Love is not always patient nor kind. It is a delicate web that has to be rebuilt throughout time.Things in life get lost and need to be found because there are so many possibilities abound.There is a music in your mind that plays and refines through time.You can get lost in the complications that seem to bind. Each person changes and grows like a flower in the sun.

From birth to adulthood, we as humans form bonds and relationships. As kids we don’t see race barriers or people as colors. We see hearts, minds, spirits, heartache and love.

I have been through many crazy relationships with friends and lovers, but none are ever easy. You love, hate, need freedom and sometimes feel taken for granted. Life is an ever changing  growth with many ups and downs.

Some people put an impression on your heart that you love  forever. Others leave you wondering why things ever happened and what was I thinking. There are very few you meet who are your kindered spirits of your ebb and flow. Some people love another more than the other loves them. You may find yourself appreciating their kind-hearted gestures, but despising them at the same time. Love can mean tolerating all the imperfections of another no matter how hard it is.I hold many cherished memories in my heart and soul of people encountered in life, but some leave a permanent stamp that can never be broken by time or distance. There are only a handful of those friends family and lovers that your heart can never let go.



Little Things Make The Big Picture


How many times do we rush off somewhere to work or an errand because the day is so busy? Many of us live to work,but I work to live. I have learned to appreciate and slow down for all the little moments that make up the big picture in life.

For me it’s getting that kiss or hug from my husband and kids before we all begin our day. The friendly wave from the crossing guards I see when I drop my son off at school. The trips to the park, pool or anywhere with my family. Talking with friends and family over a healthy Lunch or dinner. A Fun game night with cherished friends.The Much needed quiet break or nap by yourself. A thank you or any gratitude for a little gesture of kindness.

No matter who you are all these little things add up to a lot to make someones day better. These little things make our day worth it and help us look forward to another day. The little things help us lead a healthy and happy life.

The struggle over Raising our Girls vs Boys


Why do we raise boys and girls so differently? Maybe it’s all the different hormones that make it harder for men and women to understand each other.

Most parents will tell you that raising a child is the hardest thing you will ever do. Whether boy or girl, each child is a little different and there are always challenges. There is no cookie cutter to the perfect child because they are all unique in some way.

As a child grows up you encounter so many changes from baby to toddler and then teenager. When a child is young you marvel at all the new things they say and do.As your child learns to read and write they are watching, listening and learning our every move.Once they reach middle school and high school they have an overly informed opinion of you and other parents. After all, even if we weren’t actively teaching them they were learning what they heard and saw. Good or Bad results is up to you as a parent.

The one thing that boys and girls have in common is competing with each other. It’s always about who can one up the other,whether it’s sports, clothing, electronics, money or a new trend. As people we all want to belong in a group or be noticed for something.

For a girl who grew up as an only child I learned to do many things myself and had close boy cousins with a few girl friends. I grew up as a a bit of a tomboy so it was always difficult for me to get into the princess type drama and catty nature of most girls.

As a mother who has had a few experiences with several spoiled teenage and preteen girls with divorced parents I can tell you they create more drama and difficulties than the boys.Boys usually do naughty things to get attention but girls can be very deceitful,catty,bossy and moody drama queens.

Many men and women create little princess girls who gradually take on defiant behavior. The Princess type girls seem to get hurt feelings over small things, tease other kids not like them,constantly cry over things and try to get back at you for crazy reasons.Spoiled young princess girls seem to want things their way or no way. It doesn’t seem to matter if you promise them the rainbow, they want more. You can cart her back and forth to softball, let her have friends overnight or at friends’ houses, you do crafts with them, go to the pool, shopping and more.

On the other hand,most boys are taught to not show their feelings,plus have a more sarcastic, abrasive and joking demeanor.They are rambunctious, get into fights and yell more. I have seen so many boys and young men think they have to always be rough, tough, tell you like it is and get over things faster. They often will just go with the flow with things.

Many Husbands and wives seem to be at odds at how to handle the boys vs girls. I have seen many parents sugar coat bad behavior until it bursts out of control.I know my husband tells the boys to suck things up and always used to baby his girl.Where I would try to find out what was wrong no matter boy or girl and bandage up their boo boos and egos.

Now let me say, as a parent we do a lot for our kids and put up with a lot of stuff from our kids. There are times that we don’t know how to handle a situation.No matter boys or girls,we sometimes lose our cool and use the wrong language when we are upset with a child who will no longer listen or obey the rules. As parents we have to juggle work along with constantly keeping multiple kids entertained over long summers, so things become difficult. Even when we don’t mean it,out can come horrific words you are not supposed to say. Usually at this point both parents finally agree to be on the same page because the defiant behavior is too much.

As adults, we have plenty more experience than you and usually we will know exactly what to do. Just know as parents and adults, we are still constantly learning. Just like kids we need to be taken care of and steered in the right direction. We struggle with times where we just want to curl into a ball with all of our stresses and troubles to just pretend they don’t exist. Many times we are so exhausted or sick that we don’t have enough energy to deal with drama. There are times when we’re just having a bad day and we may have a bad attitude just like you.

Parents aren’t superhuman, we are just people that are doing the best we can to love you completely.We’ll always do everything we can to love and support you as our kids, but please realize that as parents we still need love, hugs, compassion and support to keep us going just like you.

The last  two paragraphs were revamped, but Originally posted on The Dad Letters:

TMI: Ostomy Issues


I’m a very active mother of kids so nothing can stop me from getting things done.Also I think nothing like this is permanent and there are always new advances in medicine. I do know that all the little things you take for granted that are precious, now have become complicated. Since my temporary ostomy I had a heads up to all the obstacles to come with my new ostomy.Here is my point blank and very specific description of my ostomy woes.

In April 2008 due to a Crohns disease colonoscopy gone wrong, I received a temporary ostomy which proved to make a nightmare summer. Since September 2014, I now have a permanent ostomy which can be awful at times. Since the surgery I have regained a normal weight, feel better and don’t take any Crohns medicines right now. Even so, I have this whole other set of issues with the ostomy to deal with.

First of all I have very sensitive skin so I break out in rashes/fungal skin infections, so the bags don’t stick well to my skin. In 2008 and still now It is quite the experimental process to get the appliances to stick to my skin more than 2 to 3 days. I have been going through many different kinds of products to try to achieve success.

Second there are no great appliances yet that stay on long enough to make any water activities pleasant. Taking a shower is now a luxury and a gross process. Also a bath is out of the question. Swimming I can’t even imagine yet.

Third of all when you pass gas, wind or fart your bag starts to fill with air. Then you run the risk of it popping or exploding poo all over, if you don’t release the excess air in it. It is amazing that  you become aware that this is happening even when sleeping.

Fourth is emptying and sealing the ostomy bag. You thought wiping your butt was bad. When you wake up half asleep in the middle of the night to empty the bag, you try not to pass out from the smell because your nose is up close to the toilet as you do this. As you are doing this there is also poop getting on your fingers. Then you have to wipe the poop off the bag closure so that you can roll or clip it shut. It’s also great when you have to empty it in a not so clean bathroom of a store or gas station. Then I put down paper towels to kneel on so my pants don’t get dirty.

Fifth is sexual relations with your partner is not the same. It is difficult for me to feel awesome and sexual with my ostomy bag flapping around. My significant other doesn’t seem to mind,but I’m grossed out by any long drawn out lovemaking events.

Last but not least I have to carry a little ostomy emergency supply bag with me wherever I go. Sometimes my bag may leak so i have to patch it and other times it is coming off so I have to replace it before there is poo all over my clothing.

I have talked to many support groups, Doctors and regular people on the woes of the ostomy. Some people really understand what this all about and others don’t quite get it. So here is a big hoorah to all my fellow troopers out there.

Caring and Sharing?


In 2014 I’m appalled by the number of people I’ve encountered who act like they r better than others by being nitpicky and disrespectful.
During the holidays and everyday life let’s try to remember to be kind to each other, pay things forward, and remember a time in your life when you were less fortunate. We all have our secret battles to overcome. If someone looks tired or hungry give them some cheer and offer your assistance/caring.
Live a day in my shoes or someone elses who has a chronic condition like IBD, IBS, Lupus,Asthma, Seizures, cancer or a number of horrible things out there. Most of them put on a happy face, try to act normal and rarely ever complain.
Be grateful for what you have because at any time or any day it could all be gone.

Waterproof Ostomy Protection


So I finally have to deal with a possible permanent ileostomy.I have been down this road before when I had a bad experience with a temporary ostomy in 2008 and now it’s happening again because I have severe skin allergies to many products.

Being in or around water is a very integral part of my family life. Just to take a regular shower can be a chore with an ostomy. The ostomy nurses try to be helpful but their products and supplies are limited.

Swimming is a great way for ostomy patients to keep fit and maintain good energy levels. To swim with a ostomy bag attached is fine as long as some securing ostomy product is used, or swimwear that fits firmly around the waist/abdomen is worn. If you are worried about discretion, there are special small ostomy bags available which are very discrete and ideal for swimming.

There are trendy bikinis with an internal pouch that runs from the left side to the right. They are made to support ostomy pouches during swimming or sunbathing. They are easy to use if the wearer simply angles the ostomy bag and places it inside the internal pouch so that the opening is angled in the direction between the legs. The benefit of this kind of swimwear is that the ostomy appliance is no longer against the skin thus reducing any sweating that can cause odor or irritation. It is also good because it reduces visits to the bathroom as internal pouches hold the colostomy bag contents which stop it from bulging out in an unsightly manner.

There is an ostomy protector called Dry Pro which has a watertight vacuum seal that fits snug yet comfortable during a shower, a bath and even an active swim. It’s made of high quality surgical latex, that is both durable and re-usable and is guaranteed for a year. After putting on the ostomy protector, the pump sucks out the air so that the ostomy protector cannot come off, plus the ostomy pouch stays completely dry and secure. To choose a size you should measure around the circumference at the Stoma or around the waist area. Make sure it will fit snug and flush around the skin. If you are between sizes, they recommend opting for the smaller size as the material used in the ostomy protector has a lot of give. A “rule of thumb: the best fit is within 2 inches of the navel. The best fit needs to have as smooth a surface as possible, consequently scarring can be an issue.”

Swimwear and Underwear :

What Should Eating Gluten Free Mean?


It should mean getting back to basics of eating real foods that our ancestors ate 100 years ago or more, but with some twists. Not buying up all the trendy gluten free products on the store shelves.When a loaf of bread or bagels weren’t filled with artificial ingredients and preservatives with high sugar contents.

Everything now is made to be so fast and convenient but not many of us even read what the ingredients are.We eat at all these fast food places that have souped up sauces, bread on top of breaded meats,and french fries that live forever when dropped under the seats of our vehicles. More than half the things on store shelves have ingredients we can’t even pronounce, let alone do we know what they are.

As someone who has had Crohns Disease for 28 years it has been trial and error to just stay away from all the junk out there. All the artificial ingredient filled breads,cookies and fast foods are always so tempting. Gluten is added unnecessarily to thicken things like meats, sauces, soups and boxed foods. Then add in the extra artificial sugars and outrageous amounts of sodium to food products, so that our bodies can’t even process it to get proper nutrients.

There are so many diseases like diabetes, ADHD, IBS, and more that can benefit from eating real food like meat,fruit and vegetables. We don’t always need to eat all the bread, pasta and rice. If you do want grains without all the gluten try Ronzoni mixed grain pasta and real rice. The tough one is bread because there aren’t many gluten free bakeries and the store stuff is outrageous. It is however easy to make real bread at home. A Betty Crocker Cookbook has a REAL bread recipe which  has all purpose flour, 1-2 tbsp. sugar, salt, butter or shortening, yeast, and water or milk. That’s what real bread used to be, but there are also gluten free all purpose flours for making bread.


Are We unknowingly Gluttons for Gluten?


Why do so many doctors in the US ignore that many more people than you think are affected by gluten? It is because they are backed by big pharmaceutical and food companies, plus not taught the importance of  food intolerances on health. Other countries like Australia, Ireland,Italy, Finland and South America recognize food intolerances, especially gluten.If you have a disease like Crohn’s,Colitis, diabetes,Celiac, autism,thyroid disease, migraines and more, you can vastly improve your health.

Many people don’t even understand just how much gluten is hidden in all of our foods. Since the late 60’s and early 70’s the food industry has introduced more hidden gluten containing foods than people ever used to eat. Almost all of our boxed, bottled and packaged food products have outrageous amounts of gluten and other unnatural ingredients.People used to eat more real homegrown and homemade foods. Now because of stress, poor diet, fast paced lives and different bacteria from other places coming into our lives, the gene has been awakened more in many people.

Gluten is the protein component in wheat, Barley, Rye and a sticky binding substance added to many foods. Many of us have digestive systems that cannot digest gluten protein into amino acid building blocks.When this happens the inside of our intestines become inflamed and release antibodies that can cause a cavalcade of reactions throughout the body. It is estimated that 1 out of 133 Americans have gluten sensitivity or even Celiac disease.The gene for Celiac and gluten intolerance is usually carried throughout a families genetics.

Celiac disease and gluten sensitivity is a multisystem disorder that has a wide range of symptoms and effects many body functions. The most alarming thing for me is that Celiac disease is often misdiagnosed as Crohns disease, IBS,Chronic fatigue syndrome and acid reflux. I was diagnosed with Crohns disease as a child and have almost all the symptoms listed. Here is a partial list of Celiac indicators:

Abdominal pain, Anemia,constipation,Diarrhea, Distension, Excessive weight loss with a large appetite, excessive weight gain, Fatigue, gas,Headaches,Joint/bone pain, muscle cramps,skin rashes, smelly bowel movements,inside mouth sores, vitamin deficiency, missed periods,delayed puberty and stunted growth in children.

If you are now concerned because your health hasn’t really improved with all the drugs, get tested.There are a few tests for Celiac disease: a blood test that runs the following panel(Antiendomysial antibody, Total serum IgA, Antigliadin antibody,Tissue transglutaminase), an endoscopy biopsy and Human Leukocyte antigen test.

Much of this research came from Dr. Peter Green, Dr. Andrew Weil, Elisabeth Hasselback, Jennifer Esposito

Fistulas and Crohn’s Disease woes


Since 2011 my Crohn’s disease has been drastically changing. Many things attributed to my declining health. I decided to go to school full time to finish my graphic design degree and I went back to work at a 25 hour plus week job. Then added into all this is friends, family and household time. This cavalcade of stressors lead me to lose sight of eating well and slowing down.

In April 2011 I was hospitalized for a week with an abcess. Then in June 2011 I was transported in an ambulance from my hometown hospital to a bigger hospital for a week due to a UTI infection because the abcess didn’t totally go away.Then it was the same day in June of 2012 that I was again transported to the bigger hospital for a UTI infection and dehydration due to a fistula attached to my colon. In between this I also got Bells Palsy due a nervous system response of being on and off so many antibiotics.Next on August 16, 2013, again I was hospitalized for a UTI due to the same thing. My latest visit to the hospital was March 20th 2014 for the same UTI/ fistula to colon infection.

Each time I have lost 5 to 10 pounds of weight and can’t seem to gain it back. Since 2011 the doctors have wanted me to have surgery to totally remove my colon and the offending fistula. By no means is this a cure for my problems.

In 2013 I graduated with my Associates degree in Graphic Design.Yay, I finally finished my second attempt at a college degree. At the end of April of this year I quit my part-time office job.Now I have slowed down, but at 5ft 1in., I weigh 82lbs and still keep breaking out with UTI’s due to my bladder fistula to colon attachment. I also have changed my diet, but it is hard to not be tempted by flare up foods with kids and family.

My woe for surgery is because In 2008 I had a 3 month temporary colostomy bag and it was the worst experience. Also I have several relatives with ileostomy or colostomy bags who still have horrible Crohn’s or Colitis. Still I’m at a stopping point of what they can do for my Crohns because of the fistula.Surgery is almost inevitable.

A Parent’s Work is Never Done


I give kudos to the mom or dad who works part-time or full time, does housework plus all the extracurricular activities with their child or children. I tried to be supermom along with the everyday challenges of my Crohn’s Disease. When you live with a chronic disease there are often unexpected road blocks. It’s frustrating because I can plan to go to an event and end up being very ill.

Not so long ago I went to college full-time, worked part-time, ran kids to and from places and also did housework. All of that really took a toll on my health, my well being and loss of me. I finally realized I had to slow down a little to plan better meals and snacks for myself,so that I can be there for family, friends and be a better me.